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Friday, February 28, 2014

Photography, the other way....

....she simply loved her new camera. It had all the bells and whistles anyone could want.
so, with great enthusiasm, Snowwhite took pictures of all the dwarfs:
All Seven of them at the breakfast table... Grumpy at work...Sleepy, taking a nap, and so on and so on.
Finally she took all the rolls to Eddy Blacks for developing, where they offered two prints for the price of one.
"They'll be ready for pick-up next Thursday" said Eddy.
Next Thursday came and then Friday.. nothing... Snowwhite checked again the following Monday and then on Tuesdy...
Eddy, getting a bit embarassed asked Snowwhite: "Were they slides?"
"No" said Snowwhite, "they were prints."
"Oh, in that case" said Eddy, "don't worry.
                           "Someday your prints will come!"

This is probably a groaner, but there are more like them in the kitchen of

Bertstravels.

How's that ?

I wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Now there's a goody !

Pun 5
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

PUN # 4

A sling shot was confiscated from algebra class, 
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Spring is just around the corner


The first messengers of Spring
have reared their lovely heads
in our back garden.





Now, that the Olympic Games are over, I have time to look into our back garden.
and low and behold, what do I see ???
Snowbells ! The very first signs that this ugly Winter is nearly over
and that we can look forward to warmer days, to photo excursions,
to life starting all over again.
Hurrrrray.....

Bertstravels simply loves these pictures ! Do you ?

Monday, February 24, 2014

OLYMPIC WRAP UP

Let me at the outset assure you that I like Sports, Winter and Summer,  Championships, Worldcups, Superbowls, and in particular, the Olympic Games.(also Summer and Winter)
So, when you have read what I am about to write, do not write me off as an 82 year old fogey, who can't himself do any of the things like running, jumping, diving, skiing, curling, and is therefore jealous like  hell.
Nothing could be further from the truth. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

But I keep thinking of the inordinate joy I derive from the fact that Canada outranks so many other States, including the U.S.A in the 'medal standings'.  In fact, only two countries have more medals than Canada:
Russia and Norway. We outrank such greats like Germany, Italy, France and everybody else.
Austria too has done quite well, standing 9th on the table of medals.

Almost  every country (except for the last ) can take pride in the fact that it has done better than those below it in the standings. It is soothing that we have somebody to look down upon, to feel superior to, to smile benignly down to from the heights we have achieved.
This chauvinist attitude is particularly noticable in team sports like Hockey, or Soccer where many "fans"
(a word derived from "fanatics") are literally beside themselves with excitement, some of them actually hating the so called "enemy".

The Olympics, in their initial state were a competition of 'individuals' , one man against another man. It was not "Athens vs Thebes", or  "Greece  against The Roman Empire".
It was "The Man" who won or lost.
Now we, who could not run faster than a snail can slither, could not jump further than a frog can leap, find our triumphs in the collective achievements of the country to which we happen to belong.
I have seen faces distorted by delirious joy of being on the winning side, or contorted by hatred of the winner, because it finds its home among the loosers.
I have read about pitched battles having been fought between the fanatics belonging to opposit teams during a soccer, football or baseball games, in some cases resulting in serious injury and death among those very fans who went to these games not to enjoy, but to hate and to give their hatred first voice and then deed.

Is it appropriate to publish a list of Countries in the order of the number of Medals they have aquired, or does this practice foster chauvinistic tendencies, which then get expanded to other areas of life ?

You are probably right when you say, that if such lists were not published, "fans" would make their own from the readily available data of the successes of the individual participants.

So, are the Olympic Games a source of mutual respect and love ?

or are they another vehicle for the expression of our imagined superiority and of disrespect for the Looser
and worse still for an expression of dislike, if not to say "hatred", felt by the Looser toward the Winner ?

Having said all this, I am not ashamed to confess that, when Canada scored its opening goal against the Swedes in the Gold Medal Game of Hockey,  as well as on the following two scores, I thrust my balled fist into the air and shouted: "Yeah"

Go! Canada Go!
says Bertstravels.



 

Saturday, February 22, 2014

PUN # 3

She was only a Whisky maker, but he loved her still.

Bertstravels just simply loves puns.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Hand improving --- back to the Blog

The Olympic Games are almost over...  two more days... and on Sunday we shall enjoy the Closing Ceremonies, which I hope will be as good as the Opening Ceremonies.
There is little sense reporting here about this game and that competition or race, because those of you who care about winter sport will have watched the competitions of your choice and those who do not care don't want to read about it here.
Let me just express my joy at the fabulous performance of  "Team Canada", which, I believe has garnered more medals than at any other Olympics before.
Doubtless due to the vociferous support it received from me here in Bleiburg, Austria. Please do not underestimate the dangers involved in cheering for Canada when you sit in the middle of rabid Austrian fans. I watch the games mostly at home on my flat screen TV mounted on the wall in my studio, but I have also cheered the "Maple Leaf" in public.

Besides the serious aspects of the Olympics, if there are any, I am also interested in the appearance of the 
"Olympian Exotics".
May I remind you of the Jamaican Bobsled Team, a quartett of Jamaican natives, who had never sat on a sled before, arrived at an Olympic games, I no longer remember which one, got a second hand bob sled from the American team, quick instructions from the Americans and Germans, sat in their contraption and finished the race...  dead last, but they finished it. If you want to know a little more about them, watch the movie "Cool Runnings"...
Everbody loved and still loves this Jamaican Quartett.

Then there is always the participant in the downhill, coming from Zimbabwe or Botswana, where they have never seen snow,  who in a careful descent comes down the hill taking for a 2 minute winning run, as much as 4 or 5 minutes. But they come down the hill as best they can, if they fall, they pick themselves up and finish the course.

Do I need to remind you of "Eddy the Eagle" the British Ski Jumper
who made history for the shortest jumps ?

This time, in Sotchi, we had a lovely competitor in the Giant Slalom, a lady from Thailand, Vanessa May,
an accomplished star violinist, who finished 50 seconds behind the winner, Tina Maze. Nothing to brag about, but finish she did.

There is also this twit from Germany / Mexico. Hubertus von Hohenlohe. His father, a German Prince, ran the VW or another auto maker's Mexico show. Hubertus was borne in Mexico and by virtue of this accident, Hubert is also a Mexican citizen. He lets himself be nominated to the Winter Olympics Team of this country and was in Sochi the only member of the Mexican team. He will compete in tonights men's Slalom.
Hubertus is 55 years of age and advertises himself as "Photographer, Singer and Ski racer"...

This twit has the audacity to critisize Vanessa May's appearance on the slopes by saying: "It would have been better if she had just sung a tune at the Opening Ceremonies."
Well, it would be much better if this somewhat strange bird from Mexico had become a fashion designer, as he also claims to be, and slid down the slopes of Sochi on his well dressed Hohenlohe behind.

Bertstravels hates blue bloods.






Monday, February 17, 2014

hand busted

a little pause...

busted a bone in my hand....

bertstravel types with the left hand

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Here is another PUN

Did you like the Pun about the fattest knight at King Arthur's round table ?
If so, you will surely like this one:

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaska island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.


Saturday, February 15, 2014

Two more pictures of the "Great Canadian Goulash Party."


An appeal to all upright Canadians:
Do not critisize the shape of the Maple Leaf
so proudly worn by three Austrian Ladies.
They just don't know any better.



What if ???

Well, the game is over and the USA defeated the Russkis in a shoot out. But that's not the important question. Although I enjoyed the game and, of course, the result, there was another interesting happening:

During the intermission, the Russians brought in the Zamboni....Not only one Zamboni, but two, count 'em TWO Zambonis. 
Christin makes one of her patented cool remarks: 
"This cuts the cleaning time in half."
"Yes", I said, "it does and had they brought in 4 Zambonis, it would have further cut the time and then, imagine if they had brought 8 Zambonis, the cleaning time would have been cut by another half of the half of the half... until they brought in an infinite number of Zambonis"
Christin broke in: "Then the cleaning would have lasted Zero time."
And then the ancient Greek "Zeno" awoke in me: Remember he's the one who proved that Achilles could never catch up with a turtle, if the turtle were given a small advantage at the start... he is also the one who, with his infallible logic, proved that an arrow will never reach the target, that in fact it probably does not even fly and everything we see is but an illusion.
So it follows, that if the cleaning of the ice surface, on which the USA just won a hockey game, given that it would have taken  Zero time, did not happen at all. And if that took Zero time then we have to seriously doubt if the hockey game actually took place, because the hockey puck  ever having  crossed the goal line is impossible and therefore did not happen, ( see Zeno's arrow) and when the referee blows his whistle and points to the centre Face -Off point, because in his limited experience a goal had just been scored, he is simply wrong, wrong, wrong.
In fact, there was no hockey game and all of the Olympics is but an illusion.
Quod Erat Demonstrandum!  says the Old Latin Scholar

Bertstravels.

Whshshshshsh

Did you hear that ? It went a little like the wind through the trees: whshshshsh....
It was the sigh of relief uttered by all of Austria at the end of the "Ladies' Super G."
Anna Fenninger: Gold !  Nicol Hosp: Bronze...
Only the beautiful German Valkyrie, Maria Höfl-Riesch threatened Austria's Gold, but finally came up a little short and placed for Silver, pushing Nicol Hosp into third place for Bronze.
It was a difficult and therefore exciting race and since there was no Canadian who formed a believable threat, (with the possible but remote exception of Marie Michelle Gagnon) I could root for Austria.
How difficult this course, set by an Austrian coach,  really was is evidenced by the fact that out of 68 starters, 37 did not finish the course, fell in the steep parts, missed a gate or simply were too slow to be a threat. 
The men's Super G will be held tomorrow. Another nail-biter with skiers from Switzerland, Italy, Germany, Canada, the USA and many other countries, trying to come down the hill faster than any Austrian. When the Canadian is on the course I shall root for him, 'cross my fingers', or, as they do here, 'hold my thumbs'...
Otherwise I shall do the same for the Austrians.
The only thing I would like to change is the time of the start:
6AM is a bit early. That means I have to get up at 5.30, shower, shave and make a cup of Coffee, so I can watch this race in style.
Good Luck to all the racers...Win or Loose ... may they come down without mishap and without breaking a bone.
That's the wish of
Bertstravels.

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Great Canadian Goulash Party




Christin ( in the white Canada T-shirt) invited
three of her friends and prepared an absolutely scrumptious
Goulash, which she called: Canadian Goulash.
What passed for Maple Leaves were cut out of pink paper
and pinned on the visitors.
We had a great deal of fun.



There is "Howling and Gnashing of Teeth"

The greatest and most desired medals are those awarded for the most difficult discipline in Alpine Skiing:
"The Super Combination".
That is the combined result of a Special Slalom and a Downhill run. The winner is clearly the best "all round" skier. 
Unfortunately no Austrian placed anywhere near the top and the disappointment is palpable.
There once was a time when you'd expect and often got 3 Austrians in the first 5...
Yes, skiing then was spelled with a Capital S in Austria. It still is, but the S got a little smaller.
Oh well, wait till next year.
You can't winnem all allatime...
so says
Bertstravels

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Sometimes you just have to shake your head...

One of the teams appearing at the Olympics had lost a crew member just prior to their leaving for Sochi.
They wished to show their sorrow about this loss and fastened small black bands to their uniform's left sleeve. 
A common form to show your sympathy, wouldn't you think ?
The International Olympic Committee, however,  gave them 
"a severe reprimand" with the reasoning that any addition to or deletion from the officially sanctioned dress could lead to uncontrolled changes in the approved apparel.

Kinda silly, Bertstravels thinks.


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

There's another thing you do NOT do in Russia

There are some more no-nos in Russian Customs besides blowing your nose in public:
For instance: You do not, never, never ever, offer to shake a woman's hand.
This would be a most inappropriate touching....
I'll keep my eyes and ears open for more.

Bertstravels.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

You just don't do that in Russia !

Different countries, different customs.
The Austrian skier, Nicki Hosp was being interviewed right after her Silver Medal Race. 
The cold temperature made her  nose run a bit. So, she did what every self respecting snot-nose would do. She pulled a handkerchief and in a very lady like fashion she dabbed at her nose a bit.
Other athletes were also caught on TV blowing their respective noses.

That, my dears, is an absolute No-NO in Russia. We were told, that if you feel the need to blow your nose, you find a solitary place, like a bath room or other hiding place and that's where you do this dirty deed.

The things you learn while watching the Olympic Games in Sochi !!



Monday, February 10, 2014

The name fits !!!

Olympic Hockey
The U.S. ladies hockey team, playing in a preliminary round against the Swiss, scored 3 goals within 55 seconds of the first period, a little later added two more,  added another in the second and 3 more in the third period, for a final score of  USA 9, Switzerland 0.
In a previous game the Canadians defeated the Swiss by a score of 5:0
The last name of the unlucky goalie of the Swiss is Schelling. (pronounced: Shelling )

Bertstravels says: The name fits.

A Pun is a Pun is a Pun

A good friend sent me a number of Puns. Each one a gem of word play.
The best one, however, was this one:

The fattest Knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.


Bertstravels

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Day 2 of the Olympic competition

As far as most Austrians are concerned, the Olympics have just finished. Over and done with.
One of their own, Mathias Mayer, has just won the King of Wintersport, the Men's Downhill...
Everything else is secondary.


Friday, February 7, 2014

Sotschi

The Winter Olympics will officially start today.
What does this mean for me?
Square eyes... that's what .
I will likely be glued to the Television set, watching such performances as " Team Pursuit Speed Skating".
Where teams of skaters go round and round and round again, until you grow dizzy just watching.
And then, when you were just about ready to give up, there is a major collision, all of the front runners are out of the competition and the little girl from Botswana, who trailed the whole gang by about three laps, ends up the World Champion Speed Skater...
What shall I watch? All the Alpine Disciplines, The Hockey Games, The Figure Skating, The Curling, The various types of Snowboarding, the Ski Jumping, the Cross Country skiing, and whatever else there is on TV.
I am, what you might call, an indiscriminate viewer.
Who knows, there might even be something I could write about in this Blog:
Bertstravel

Monday, February 3, 2014

THE SUPERBOWL

Seatle Seahawks  43: Denver Broncos 8

I am surely not an expert, nor a particular fan of American Football. 
But, the more you watch it and the more you get to understand it, the more interesting it becomes.
So, when I realized that the superbowl 2014 was to be shown 'live' on Austrian Television I decided to stay up and watch it. So from Midnight until 5AM today, Christin and I sat in front of our TV and watched a surprising game. 
I say 'surprising' since it showed something unexpected, without actually being very interesting.
When one of the most respected and reputedly very best Quarterbacks of the NFL , Peyten Manning, blows the very opening call, or, as the announcers and colour commentators called it,"has a misunderstanding with his team", resulting in a two point loss, and then cannot mount any meaningful attack for the rest of the game, you have to call it 'surprising'. 
From almost the very beginning I noticed Payten Manning walk around with his head down without any apparent enthusiasm, without spirit, almost as if in a trance.
Grant you, he and his Broncos were up against the most successful defensive line up in the NFL today.
This, however, does not account for passes thrown too far, hopelessly out of reach of his receivers, or too short, resulting in incompletion, or thrown to be intercepted. At least one of them being simply thrown almost into the hands of a Seattle defender who easily romps to a touch-down...
One of the colour commentators, who identified himself as a 'Bronco Fan' remarked that this is simply not the Peyten Manning, he has watched display his brilliance game after game throughout the season.
So, what is one to think: 
Was it Peyten Manning on a very very bad day? 
Was it somebody else, like Joe Bloe, who just looks like Peyten but has never played the game of American Football before in his life?
Is there a third possibility, too horrible to contemplate?
I am mentioning points 2 and 3 definitely with tongue in cheek, so that leaves only:
It was Peyten Manning on a very very bad day.
That's a thought, expressed sadly by

Bertstravels.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Weather Report

Are we lucky ?
Yes, so far, we are very lucky. We had about 5 to 10cm of snow here in Lower Carinthia.
In Upper Carinthia and in the East Tirol they were absolutely inundated by the stuff.
Within 24 hours everything was covered by 1.5 meters .... and another meter is predicted.
Entire valleys with all the towns and villages were cut off from the rest of the world.
Trains had to be cancelled, buses could not even leave their garages... to take a car onto the roads would have been insanity of the highest order... had it not been impossible in any event.
In one town, 35 houses had to be evacuated due to the danger of avalanches.
Will we remain thus privileged, or will this snowfall catch up with us ? 
Guess who does not care if he ever sees snow again ?

Bertstravels !